


Unexpected Places

by cecilkirk



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Angst, M/M, Poetry, Ryden, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-22
Updated: 2016-07-31
Packaged: 2018-05-28 09:09:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6323464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cecilkirk/pseuds/cecilkirk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone's life was full of mistakes, but Ryan was more prone to making them than most people.</p><p>(inspired by <a href="http://talksmaths.tumblr.com/post/140310430805/six-word-stories">this</a>)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_screaming loud but nobody can hear_

 

 

 

I forgot how much I needed you to help me pass the midnight hours.

I forgot how those early a.m. digits pulled out every thought I tried to keep buried

exhumed 

exhausted

ididn'tknowhowtodeal

 

but you did

 

you knew exactly what to say

what to do

where to kiss me

even when I didn't

 

I used to be amazed that you could know me so well inside and out. I used to be amazed that I had permitted you that level of intimacy.

 

Were you?

 

As I watch you pass by me, I don't think so. You move too easily. You're not bogged down by ghosts

(likeme)

and you move too lightly to be anything short of ecstatic

 

(unlikeme)

 

I don't know if I'm envious or infuriated

 

(youwouldknow)

 

These hours kind of exist without identity. Not quite night, not yet day. Somewhere in the middle.

I am free to do as I please without the consequence of history

(andispendthemwritingafteryou)

and I hear nothing but my own voice

uncomplemented by yours

and it is meaningless

it is nothing

but it is the only thing i have 

so it becomes

 

everything

 

But you already knew that

youalwaysdid.

(andyoualwayswill)


	2. Chapter 2

_I have no reason to apologize_

 

 

 

Mistakes demanded explanation. 

I had made none.

 

'fool for love'--

that's what it's called, right?

that's what i am

 

right?

 

falling for you was idiocy, but it was no mistake

i didn't regret it

and i don't think i ever will

 

empty hours suggest otherwise

like threatening voices:

"if you forget him, 

we will lend you sleep,"

they taunt,

or

"numb your heart to

forget the pain"

 

But to round out the edges would be

to throw away polaroids and

love letters and the memories

of stolen kisses and faded 

promises

 

beneath my collarbones

and beyond my ribs

is shattered and translucent

it used to be well-handled

 

I think I could still find your fingerprints on the inside of my chest.

I tell myself I will not dust

for the fear of slicing my fingers

but we both know i do not fear pain,

and i would gladly harm myself for you

 

for you,

namely 

only

 

not the memory of you;

no, 

that i must keep sacred and left alone

 

common sense tells me fixing pain

is the smart thing to do

but we both know i've always been an idiot

 

always been a fool

 

(especiallyforyou)

 


	3. Chapter 3

_I'm not alone but I'm lonely_

 

 

 

we'd been falling apart before we split.

a separation written in the stars

and a division unrivaled by scientists

 

we began to feel like taxidermy.

i began to hate the feel of your hand in mine

and your kiss.

i began to hate everything i fell in love with.

 

somewhere in the world, someone is laughing at us.

 

when i found myself feeling foreign in my skin,

you weren't able to map out freckles and bones like you could.

 

i was a stranger to me. you were a stranger to me.

 

it was inevitable. natural. our destiny

to come together and fall apart

only meant for us to feel the ache of isolation in our bones

even when we shared a bed.

 

i remember when your hugs began to feel like

being swallowed by shadows.

i think that was the beginning of the end.

 

i wish i could say i'm sorry i never told you

any of this before

 

but i am not

(and you aren't, either)

 

i am but a mortal;

who am i to question nature?

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

_the first time we held hands_

 

 

 

 

 

the threshold was behind my heels.

my knuckles could never feel lonely again.

 

my heart threatened to burst from my chest

and yet i was grounded.

peace had come for me.

i fell, and my whole life fell into place before me.

 

your kiss was the key.

 

i had finally come home.


End file.
